My Journey
It all begins with an “issue” and turns out to be a plethora of “issues.” A non-traditional childhood, financial failure, failed relationships in which I was the common denominator, and a journey through finding my way to who I am really meant to be and gain the ability to drive my own success.
A tiny snapshot - where it began, when my mother’s pregnancy was unplanned and certainly, unexpected. Five years separated me from my next sibling. At birth, my mother refused offers of the nurses to bring me to her citing that she would have the next 18 years to be responsible for me and she was going to take advantage of the time she would be relieved of that responsibility during her stay in the hospital. This was told to me time and again through my formative years. It left me feeling unwanted, unloved and unlovable. I was a Mistake, with a capital “M.”
Fast forward to adulthood. I am in full flight from reality, seeking only to be wanted and loved by everyone at any personal cost/risk to myself. Early adulthood was a series of fits and starts and stumbles and crashes, financial ruin. However, I was a master at creating the illusion of a comfortable life. Inside though, was another story. Full of self-doubt, lack of confidence and a full-blown case of self-loathing, I reached a pivotal point. Continue the illusion or create something authentic within.
Working through the quagmire of history of fits and starts and stumbles and crashes with a coach who provided support and wisdom, I was led to a new awakening and the realization that, while I was a mistake in my parents’ judgment, I was not responsible for that. Neither did their mistake in judgment mean that I was not loved or unlovable. I was indeed loved by my family, however imperfectly many of us love and are loved. This awareness healed so many aspects of my psyche that it set me free to manifest a life that is comfortable, fulfilling and no longer an illusion.
While this was my deepest wounding, there have been and are many more that needed my attention, and this is how I know The Process works. We do not have to splash around in pain and despair alone and in darkness, we can find our way without the drudgery of creating and grooming an illusion.
